Getting the best of you.
Getting the best of you.

Thumbnails of idiots for Owls

Here’s a capsule of the big kids. This turned into a post instead of a reply because Kinja didn’t like me trying to bold or header the names and didn’t want pictures so you can recognize them on the tellyvision.

I’ll add more as time goes on. We’re going roughly left to right, politically.


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The baseline. Believe it or not, everyone else is further right.

Party line on economics: Cut taxes on “job creators,” deregulate everygoddamnthing, bail banks out when they try to bankrupt the nation (he was involved in the S&L disaster, too), yada yada.

Wants to privatize education and social security. Wants the retirement age pushed back to 70. Needless to say he wants to end welfare.

Favors the XL pipeline.

Dismantled Florida’s Affirmative Action program, opposes gay marriage, wants to let businesses choose who they serve.

Opposes federal minimum wage. Opposes unions.

Go go war on drugs. Go go Second Amendment. Go go defense spending.

Wants to increase troop presence near Russia. Misses those halcyon Cold War days.



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Buttfuck stupid on the economy. Wants to cut every agency’s budget by ten percent, no exceptions or even thought. Also wants a 5-year freeze on federal hiring. Wants a flat tax of ten percent. No explanation of how we’d make up the budget shortfall.

Three years ago he felt deregulation led to the 2008 crisis, now he’s a free market devotee who wants more deregulation. Believes corporate taxes cause national debt.

Wants to covertly spy on workers to make them work harder.

Wants to ban abortion after 20 weeks, opposes it on principle.

Anti-gay marriage, believes homosexuality is a choice.

Believes race is no longer a disadvantage.

Wants to privatize education, and wants God in it. Does not believe in evolution and feels that teaching it is propagandizing.

Anti-union, of course. Anti-welfare. Uses the “don’t want to work” saw when talking about welfare recipients.

Extremely pro Second Amendment.

Fucking terrifying on foreign policy. Feels we should do whatever Netanyahu wants on Iran. Believes in American exceptionalism and that the US decline is due to morality.

Against reducing nuclear weapons. For “untying the military’s hands” vs. ISIS.

Open question re: Trump v. Fiorina. I’ll put ‘em this way because Trump’s pro-legalization of drugs.



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People like to say he wants to raise taxes on the rich. He doesn’t. He wants to eliminate the taxes that actually affect wealth and cut taxes massively across the board. Claims a one-time 14% tax on wealth would clear the national debt, isn’t clear on how to avoid running it right back up again. His tax and economic positions are as coherent as that one guy at the bar who knows exactly how to fix the country and slurs all about it for three hours at a time. It’s just numbers whipped out of his ass.

His policy on trade has a similar coherence. It shows all the understanding you’d expect out of a guy who’s run 875034857(if he can make up random numbers, so can I) companies into bankruptcy.

Imagine Cliff Clavin talking economics, trade, regulation, and taxation if Cliffy was a complete sociopath. There you go.

Anti-abortion. People will trot out his old pro-choice position, but he’s been crystal clear that he’s toeing the party line now.

I’m going to spare us both a recounting of Trump’s views on people. Rich white men up, everyone else down.

Second Amendment man.

Climate change denier, of course.


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Did I use the most flattering photo I could find? You betcha. I don’t like her, but fuck Trump.

Less government, less taxes, less regulation, blah blah blah. Talks about small business constantly despite running (badly) a Fortune 20 company and heading up the merger of two other massive corporations.

Wants to privatize/contract many government jobs. She was one of the players in the contract labor movement in telecom, which had the primary effect of eliminating unions, cutting wages and benefits, and increasing the wealth of the criminal cabal running the industry.

Doesn’t just oppose new environmental regulation, she wants to gut the EPA. Seriously, seriously a disaster on the environment. Favors the XL pipeline, drilling, you name it.

Anti-abortion. “Proudly” voted for Prop H8. Still wants to repeal Obamacare.

Strong Second Amendment woman.

Opposes net neutrality.

Carly’s keywords are “privatization” and “deregulation.” She would be an unmitigated disaster for the environment and the economy. She pillaged three enormous companies (Lucent, HP, Compaq) and destroyed a hell of a lot more lives than the famous 35,000 she canned. And she was every bit as filthy as Nacchio, Rigas, and Kozlowski. She just got out sooner and evaded the reckoning. Plutocrat slime of the first order.



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Ted Cruz is fucking vile. Pick an asshole Republican position and he’s there, desperately trying to sing the loudest. Abortion, health care, gay marriage, guns, wealth, welfare, you name it. Uses phrases like “defend Judeo-Christian values against liberal fascism.”

Seriously, fuck Ted Cruz.


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Jesus, this guy. “Barbarians of our age have murdered millions of the unborn.”

Opposes paycheck fairness, gay marriage, welfare, gun control, environmental regulation. Climate change denier.

Wants indefinite US involvement in the Middle East. Against leaving Iraq and Afghanistan... ever, seemingly... but also against nation-building in Iraq.

Really, really, really wants to cut taxes on wealth.

Not only wants to gut education, he actually says that we have too many university graduates.


Okay, I’ll add to these as the spirit moves me and as I figure out a general shape I like for them. And I’ll do the other candidates if they climb above 5%. You probably know enough about Huckster and Walker and Paul and Christie and Fecal Froth.

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