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Serious Thinks

Gif: my head, it is

You guys, I found myself again this weekend looking at jobs, and seriously considering something low paid and part time at a place I could stand to work rather than staying in this nice stable clusterfuck. The environment is - well, y’all know - and I think the absolute disinterest in public safety recently exercised by a total failure to give any shits about the mask mandate has me seriously tipping toward outright fucking despair of ever going home from this place in the evening and not being exhausted.

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So today I found myself asking someone about the logistics of going part time. I’d still get health insurance, and be able to expose myself to one less day a week of this unrepentant cracker-ass bullshit and its accompanying health risks. And it would maybe give me time to breathe and think about whether I really can stick this out for the sake of security when it’s ripping out my soul. Some of y’all have commiserated on how hard it is to look for something new when you are too wiped out from coping with what you have. Maybe this would give me a chance to step back and really look, without panicking, at what to do next.

The other option is to spend out all my remaining vacation time one day a week while I think about it. I mean, that’d be better in a way because yay money but if I somehow decided to (or had no choice but to) stay, it’d make things awkward if I needed some time off next year. And the big allure of staying is basically the job security. That has its downsides: all the shitheads who would have been fired anywhere else are still here, because they just let folks work forever no matter how mediocre they are, so I can’t imagine not living up to this joint.

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I don’t even know if they’d let me do it either way. But it’s not an entirely crazy solution, right? Might be some hardship, but I do tend to overspend when miserable too, so it’d at least partly even out. Oy, my brane.

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