To The Person At Work Who Keeps Trying To Be Pleasant Despite The Fact You Know I Hate Your Ass:
Shut up. No, seriously. You have no social skills whatsoever so I don't know why you keep trying. It should be obvious by now that you make me ill. So when someone I actually want to talk to is having a conversation with me and you jump in and say, "Oh I meant to ask you about [subject of conversation]!" - no, you didn't. You don't care if my cat is feeling better or I got my car fixed. You don't give a fuck about how my trip to the dentist went and I don't give a fuck about you wanting to know. It was a routine exam, not super-snazzy platinum-plated artificial-intelligence-capable grill surgery. And guess what? You were just a dick for interrupting a totally pleasant conversation that had nothing to do with you.
You know I don't like you. And it's not just because I had to call you out for being foul and gross on company time with the company computer. It's the basic lack of boundaries that you constantly have, that allowed that mess to happen. You were gross before that. Own that shit. You nasty. And not in the good way. Damn.
We all know you're a grown-ass-near-retirement-mama's boy, okay? You don't know how to interact with anyone except that tired old etiquette she taught you. And I'm sorry you're such a sad little narcissist who needs to think everybody likes you, but let's get real. You have grown kids. You have grandchildren. And you still act like a goddamned four year old. So when you want to appear like you are a grown up you remember that mama always said, "act interested". So that's what you do. ACT interested. Let's just say your theatrical skills could use some work.
That's fine. She messed you up. Whatever. But I'd think if you gave a fuck about how people felt about you other than to drive your own ego you'd - I dunno - get your work done instead of making everyone race to fix things because you are such a goddamned incompetent boob. Answer your phone messages. Stop blowing off paying clients to try and win new ones. Give a shit for real. Because people don't buy that shit when you fake it, especially when your ass is so damn spoiled you never had to get good at the game. Stop trying to be pleasant at me, because it only pisses me off to know you have somehow succeeded in life by being such a helpless fake little creep.
God I Am So Over Your Ass Please Go To Hell,