To The Aging Baby Boomers Who Used To Know Their Mail Carriers By Name and Think They Still Know The Names and Addresses of the Whole Fucking Neighborhood:

That's not how shit works anymore.

One, every damned thing is automated. If you send out something without an apartment or suite number or GOD HELP ME WITHOUT A FUCKING ZIP CODE, the friendly neighborhood mailman is not going to wander around knocking on doors to see if he can find the person it belongs to. He or she is not going to say, "Hey - why, that's old Bob! I know just where to take this!" and turn his little truck around to deliver it half a block down just to be friendly. It's going to sit in the post office for about 4-6 weeks until it gets sent back to you as undeliverable because you were too goddamned trifling to get it right.

And if the addressee fills out a change of address when he moves from one house, but not when he moves back, or even if he does but the shoddy automated system doesn't acknowledge it, the fact that the letter bounces automatically without any attempted delivery is no indication whatsoever of his willingness or ability to go fish it out of the mailbox. If shit doesn't get where you send it and you actually managed to address it correctly, there is a significant chance that its failure to be delivered has more to do with the fact that mail routes are re-organized every three months or so at which point everything turns into a monumental clusterfuck, rather than that the people you sent your letter to are just lazy and ignoring you.

And mind, if your neighborhood mailman isn't coming at the same time of day as you wanted him to, that's probably because he doesn't get to fucking decide what his route is. Jesus God Jumped Up Jehoshaphat. He'll get here when he gets here. If it's the same guy. Which every three to six months, it probably isn't. And they might put stuff in the wrong box sometimes, not because they are lazy, but because private-industry-humping Congress has the USPS' balls in a vice and is trying to squeeze them until they pop so they can exhibit it as proof that government run shit (even when it isn't really) is fundamentally incapable of succeeding when you maybe force them to hold out ten years worth of pensions while you allow every other industry to forget such a thing as pensions ever existed at all. Have you ever seen a postal worker near tears because she was afraid she wouldn't get back to the distribution center on time? I have. It's fucked up, yo.

Also, DID YOU KNOW THE POSTAL SERVICE IS NOW HEAVILY RELYING ON A TEMP POOL? Yeah, no shit. They just get sent on routes they've never been on with 30 apartment communities and no clue.


So before you get all judgey on everyone you send a letter to and everyone who carries it in between, remember that the system is a jacked-up hot-mess being pushed to fail and shoved against the mercies of unprepared and poorly maintained technological quagmires while you, gentle reader, can't even open an attachment on your fucking e-mail.

Get A Fucking Clue Already And We'll Both Be Happy,