In opposite world, I am a first round draft pick and I sign my contract in front of a throng of reporters with cameras. After I give a shout out to God and my mom, I tell everyone that I’m taking my bonus and going to DISNEY WORLD, Y’ALL!
My hard work is noted and celebrated. Instead of emails from parents berating me and kids telling me to eff off, people want to emulate how I dress (cardigans and tortoise shell glasses) and how I behave in public (politely). They know that an education of any kind is key to success and work hard at it. Thanks to the sweet endorsement deals rolling in (Gotta rep Emergen-C and 3M!) I have paid off my student loans and reside in a sweet house that does not give me problems every damn month.
I even drive something newer than a 10-year-old Pontiac. This is my ride I pull up in to school while blastin’ some Bach each day:
The best part? People understand that I have to have an off-season. “She can’t teach year-round! She needs a brain break! She does more work in a few months than most people do in a year!” AND because I’m well-known and celebrated, companies just send me free shit in hopes that I’ll Instagram it. Check out my latest post about the greatness of Lara Bars. Those things are the BOMB at afternoon snack time! My millions of followers rush out to buy them.
Life is pretty sweet when you’re a rich and famous teacher.