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My Own Sad Political History

I only ran for office once, in eighth grade.


Not for student government, though. I was above that shit. I wanted nothing to do with other children. But still, I went up to the podium, wearing a slate-blue sweater and my khaki skirt, both from Express. The sweater was really long, covering my flat ass, but the sleeves were too short, and honestly I kept it for far longer than I should have after being purchased expressly that day.* I had a round face that was not helped by even rounder glasses, nor the slab of metal glued to my teeth. My hair was beaten into submission.

I took a deep breath, and I told my class that I should be a librarian.

In eighth grade, we all got the chance to shadow an official from my hometown's government for a day or two. The mayor's office, the police and fire departments, and a variety of other places participated. But, having volunteered (read: unpaid illegal child labor) at the library for the past summer, all I wanted was to be part of the process for real, to talk about where funding comes from and maybe finally figure out why the library won't take donated books.


I won, of course.

I also ran unopposed.

When we all arrived at the library, and by "we all" I mean me and two kids that had lost there own elections and were forced to take positions at the library for the day, I discovered that I hadn't even applied for the highest position available.


My boss for the day was a girl who pronounced it "lie-berry."

And this, my friends, was the end of my political career.


*By this I mean until college.

PS I've missed you all my life has been crazy and I'll come back now I promise because you're lovely and Snack smells like happiness and YouGuise smells like joy just FYI.

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