I'm not quite sure what the requirements for being a teacher are but I know it requires a bachelor's degree, unless you teach in a New York private school, in which case you only need familiarity with Oedipus Rex and a 6th grade education, according to Fran, a man with an ambiguously-gendered name in the vein of Sandy or Desi (go Girls!) to whom Hannah is magnetically attracted the first time she walks into a teacher's lounge on her first week of substitute teaching. Substitute teaching: clever plot choice. She gets to dip her toes in the water and does not need to display the distant professionalism for which Hannah is not known.

Fran displays initiative and invites Hannah on a date, he's cute and cuts a nice figure although his collars are agressively buttoned and seems totally normal, in fact, he is a very normal, well-adjusted guy which is why he's disturbed when Hannah pulls an amazing power play out of her tool belt and "spontaneously" suggests they should go to Mimi-Rose Howard's (MRH) new art show after drinks. The art show requires the audience to put on aprons with pockets labeled 'Ask Me My Name' while mingling with the performers who are surreptitiously dispersed through the crowd of '40-70 people' until they are called in to action by a tap on the shoulder, after which they trade specially-marked aprons with the current performer and carry on as a scripted character completely out of touch with their physicality (Adam, one of the actors in the show and Hannah's ex-boyfriend, plays the role of a small Japanese-American girl detained during World War II).

Marnie says hi, what the hell are you doing here Hannah, you are making a grave mistake Hannah, you will cleave the good earth and open the gates of hell, Hannah. Also for some reason she is done up to resemble the Wikipedia file photo of Austrian writer Elfriede Jelinek, winner of the 2004 Nobel Prize in Literature.


Jessa is very much caught up in another microperformance revolving around 'Amber'. When the Girls go to the after party less Marnie + Desi, she confesses to Adam that she set him up with MRH so that she could get with Ace, MRH's ex-boyfriend who is a constant thread in her life, he has a problem with slapping children but that's a whole 'nother storyline we won't get into here.

Adam confronts Hannah (I've typed that sentence many times I feel) restating in full force Marnie's cautions. Fran, Hannah's school chum, can tell he's not wanted and exits. MRH comes up to the Adam-Hannah binary and invites her to the afterparty. Ace sneaks up behind her and gets very chummy and close, he is wearing those fashionably short jean shorts that are an expression of his fiery, fluid sexuality.


MRH is such a fun girl, Ace spots two taxis outside the gallery and she proposes the girls go in one and the boys in another so they can get to know each other. Ace propositions Adam but also tells him he will win MRH back; Hannah just feels so great and wonderful about Adam and MRH, their taxi hits an old lady on the way to the bar lol so they pop in to a deli for some sweet treats to pass the time, then they hop over to a laundromat to use the bathroom and things come to a real head. Honest opinions are exchanged except that Hannah has no shield around her ego whereas Mimi-Rose has this wonderful way of making you think she is being genuine but I still think she'll turn out to be the human equivalent of Voldemort's diary from the second Harry Potter film.


MRH says that if Hannah really wants Adam she can have him, Hannah calls this a 'beaver trap', perhaps a female equivalent to cock-blocking, what it actually is is an opportunity to catch Hannah unguarded, sort of like when Obi-Wan Kenobi dents General Grievous's armor in Star Wars: Episode III and he is able to light-saber his organic heart.

Something about falafel causes Hannah to see the lie in what MRH has whispered to her all this evening in her ear, like the devil. On another note, these last two episodes of Girls have been unusually short, sitcom-length episodes instead of the full half-hour I was promised. I don't pay for Girls but I am still owed HBO quality and quantity. I also feel Elijah will die, I feel his character will die because he can't continue in this bad way and the Girls really need something to sober them up, I doubt Marnie would care however.