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'Girls' recap: best friendulums forever.

Illustration for article titled Girls recap: best friendulums forever.

Ted (Hannahfather) tells Loreen (Hannahmother) as they're leaving therapy he's gay, he always has been, although he doesn't make any explicit avowals of homosexual behavior because he feels a sort of loyalty to Loreen, he's watched gay porn but he probably hasn't even cradled a cock in his mouth like a gay lozenge. His weird behavior in a previous episode of Girls led me to believe he was dying of some terminal illness, so this comes as a shock to everyone, I'm not sure on which side he wore his gold earring although I do know that's a sort of coded message among the gays.

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Illustration for article titled Girls recap: best friendulums forever.

Anyway, Hannah has really grown into her role as a short-term substitute teacher. Unfortunately the teacher whose class she was covering returns next week, which means this'll be the last chance she has to have a class period with Cleo (Maude Apatow), her favorite student! She says to Cleo, as they ditch school early and bop down the street to the tune of 'Problem' by Ariane Grande feat. Iggy Azalea, Hey, Cleo, let's get twin piercings to commemorate our intergenerational friendship, our mutual understanding of boy problems, and appreciation of classic literature.

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Illustration for article titled Girls recap: best friendulums forever.

She and Cleo run down to a reasonably-clean parlor and Hannah suggests she goes first, she will hold her hand during the procedure, the sweet patient husband of a woman-in-labor, she will restrain Cleo when necessary, the attentive caregiver of a frequent epileptic. But Cleo exhibits a lot of pain during the procedure and Hannah rethinks her best friendulum piercing in favor of some cute charms or whatever. Cleo seems to be under the age of 18 (around 14, actually) and maybe she is just as bad at dealing with betrayal as Hannah is, perhaps Hannah put her through this whole exercise to metaphorically mirror her relationship with Adam, imagine how good Judas felt when he betrayed Jesus and asserted the supremacy of the material world. Anyway, Hannah will probably get fired for this or something.

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Illustration for article titled Girls recap: best friendulums forever.

Marnie is at home cooking dinner or some housewife shit when Desi comes home with a box. Inside the box is some sort of device that affects the 'sound' of your 'band'. Desi is playing the rôle of the male enthusiast, the man who 'tinkers' and collects 'vintage' parts for whatever electromechanism strikes his fancy, for some men it is cars, for others it is cameras, Desi, in personal union with Marnie, is now a professional musician with a $2000 advance under his belt, in fact it is their shared money which he has commandeered for a 'good cause', but since they live in Brooklyn and don't have cars by default, his hobby must be something contained within the apartment, and it is this, a set of pedals costing $2000 that really improve your 'sound'. Marnie is incensed. They have a couple fight. Desi leaves in his leather motorcycle jacket. He has always been more of a pretty bauble and I don't think of him as very pretty anymore, mainly because he's wearing too many clothes.

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Illustration for article titled Girls recap: best friendulums forever.

Later Marnie is texting at a trendy café, and Desi walks in and demands to speak with her, in fact he demands to speak to her, at her, her viewpoints are not valid, that's okay because he has an engagement ring and Marnie is stunned, even though she's just gotten finished saying that huge one-sided purchases are not good for a relationship. Perhaps it's his grandmother's recycled engagement ring or something, I'll give Desi the benefit of the doubt.

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Illustration for article titled Girls recap: best friendulums forever.

Hannah tries to reconnect with Fran and is rightly, politely and definitely rebuffed which is good for Fran. I can't stress enough how reasonable of a man Fran is, so it will probably turn out he has some hideous personality trait revealed later in the season, like being a murderer or running a human-trafficking scheme, because there are no heroes on Girls.

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Illustration for article titled Girls recap: best friendulums forever.

Ray passes out flyers for his campaign for community board seat #8. Shoshannah helps him out and admonishes his complete lack of pluck on behalf of his own campaign. It will take the death or federal indictment of his opponent to pull this off.

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Illustration for article titled Girls recap: best friendulums forever.

Shoshanna sits with Jessa while she plucks her vaginal region for her upcoming date with Jason Ritter. Jessa brags over how many men have attempted suicide over her, she's that 'fire' of a lover, her secret of course is disdaining contact with a man until he is overcome with desire, driven to the verge of insanity by desire. Shoshanna tries this out with Jason (Ritter!) by feeding him an erotic line out of the blue, something so hilarious and vulgar it can't be reproduced here. But Jason is not driven by lust, is certainly not going to be overcome by lust in the middle of his meal, not when the cast of 'The Good Wife' is seated behind them. He seems a bit chummy for a straight man with a romantic interest in Shoshannah.

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Sorry for the wordiness of this recap, we are not done yet.

Illustration for article titled Girls recap: best friendulums forever.
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One of the core scenes of this episode is a dinner party attended by Ted and Loreen, the air is pregnant with secrets and lies and the smell of Riesling, a wine derided by Loreen as too sweet, too fruity, one could almost say. The party is in honor of Loreen, who has been awarded tenure, and who views her husband's decloseting as a hostile act of graffiti defacing what should be a joyous occasion. The host of the dinner party, who stole his lines from a rejected mid-80s screenplay by Woody Allen, harbors a secret sexual attraction to her and after a disastrous toast by Hannah's father, whose hypocrisy is etched away by bursts of laughter from Hannah's mother, he puts the moves on her, literally, dragging her into a room and holding her there until his sexual desire is melted by further peels of laughter.

Illustration for article titled Girls recap: best friendulums forever.
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When they get home they have to tell Hannah about the gayness because she calls on the phone asking for relationship advice, I was raised by a single mother so I don't understand why Hannah would still be concerned by her parents' sexual orientation in her mid-20s, I really hope they don't turn this into a plot device or a turning point in her characterization.

Illustration for article titled Girls recap: best friendulums forever.

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