All there is in life is wheat. So begins Hannah's rabbithole trip into the heartland of America, which circulates the nourishing broth of wholesome creative values into the farthest corners of the nation. As I write this my head is leaning against my plastered walls and a strange, cooling draft is arising out of nowhere. I have been primed to laughter by a pleasant conversation and an excellent Twitter account and have enjoyed this episode of Girls more than any in recent history, perhaps in all of television.

Hannah goes on a tour of the town with a realtor and discovers rents in Iowa are dirt cheap, perhaps what would get you a detached, well-furnished house in Iowa would only go so far as a timeshare on a bunk bed in the meatfashion district of Manhattan. Iowa is such an easygoing, wholesome place you must not lock your bicycles, doors or windows lest you arouse the ire of the neighbors for making thieves out of them. Immediately a nice woman introduces herself and offers to escort her to the bookstore, where Hannah buys four packs of nuts. I went to the college bookstore earlier this week and bought three packs of nuts, I'm such a Hannah, lol. The bookstore clerk is very honest and direct, which is better than Brooklyn where Lisa will tell you she is so glad to meet you but she would only be glad of your demise, your annihilation.

Hannah tries to go to bed but the crickets chirp and a bird flies out of an armoir and terrorizes her. Iowa is bursting with organic life, the intense verdance of cornfields, indefatigable insects, birds, fragrant blond hair, trees, bikeways, Elijah's newly-vigorous body, fluid sexuality and paint-wrestling. Hannah attends her first workshop at the Iowa Writer's Workshop where everyone sits around a square table with three spots to a side and reads from their fiction, after which they are critiqued by their peers in a session curated by the professor. Hannah reads her sexually violent story and is not allowed to come to her own defense against claims of misandry. Afterwards they go to a bar and accuses one of her classmates of being a survivor of sexual abuse for her over-sensitivity to the story.


[¿New friend DeAugust?]

At this point Elijah and his slim, toned figure come out of the bathroom draped in a towel. He invites Hannah to a party, because even though he has been in Iowa all of one day he already knows where party is unlike loserhannah. There they engage in hedonism, like Elijah leading a straight-for-gay jerk by the hand upstairs to offer him a job after he, Hannah and an undergraduate have a threesome grinding session to some rap tunes.


Hannah consoles a poor girl at the party whose long-distance boyfriend is cheating on her by reassuring her that it's not cheating when it comes to long-distance because nobody knows. Hannah has a long-distance relationship with her boyfriend Adam, but it's more like infinite-distance because he is not present at all, she would not even like to speak about him. Hannah makes a collect call to her parents; talk about long-distance! I imagine Hannah will have a relationship with a woman in this season because her new friend looks nice and she did some paint-wrestling while Elijah made a rude lesbian hand-gesture and it's not cheating if it's lesbian experimentation.