As a Canadian-American, like my friend Ted Cruz (LIES, we were never friends), I am uniquely qualified to discuss this random article that I found on the internet. I both like stupid American things and hate them for their cheap sentiment. I both hate Americans and hate myself for being an American. I am the Schrodinger Citizen. (I'm the Canadian sleeper cell, one day I'm gonna wake up and put cheese whiz on all your foods and complain about how awful Brian Mulroney was).

Behold the wonder, a sampling of the article:

1. Red velvet cake does not sit well with many foreigners. They dislike it because it is often packed with chemicals and food coloring to give it the distinct reddish hue. Many think that is tastes bland and that the only flavor coming through is the artificial coloring taste. They would much prefer a true chocolate or vanilla cake.

Wasn't this originally made of natural ingredients? It's interesting because I know at least in the EU, they ban certain dyes that are widely used here, resulting in things like natural dyes being used in M & Ms over there, though not here in the US. Cake is almost always the right answer to any question so I think that I'd be leery of anyone rejecting cake, despite their reservations about the ingredients, because CAKE!


2. Biscuits and gravy: Foreigners find this breakfast has too much sodium and they cannot stomach the thought of sausage, flour, and milk together.

I imagine that it might be delicious but it looks like vomit on biscuits. What the hell is that? People, what do you think? If this is a favorite of yours, let me know why you would eat this! Thanks! It's ok. I like blood sausage.


3. Peanut Butter and Jelly: One all-American, kid-friendly food that foreigners love to hate is peanut butter. Now add jelly to that (as most of us do) and you have a double whammy of hate.

Hate might be too strong but I know when I lived in Poland for a year, I went 10 months without peanut butter before I went to some random German store and stocked up on many jars. I don't understand a general dislike of peanut butter. It might be more of a disinterest though anecdotally, many Europeans have told me that they think Peanut Butter is weird. So did all the Brazilians that I used to play FFXI with (for a while, I was in a South American Linkshell). Though it does seem like there are some internationally produce peanut butters.


4. Bacon and Eggs: Those who live outside the U.S. find that bacon and eggs are just not a suitable breakfast and on top of that, they do not enjoy the greasy bacon taste. Breakfast in other countries normally consists of something light, such as fresh fruit and some type of biscuit or croissant.

Is this true? There are definitely bacon and egg dinners at least in Ireland, right? And England? Isn't that a full breakfast? A fully Scottish fry and shit like that? I guess back bacon that they have in Ireland is different than the bacon we have here, but it's not THAT different.


5. Spray Cheese: Foreigners are not very fond of American cheeses because they come packed with salt and most are very processed. This imitation cheese is a cheaper, lower quality version of traditional cheese and those from other countries would never dream of using it.

Well, I'm not sure I'd call spray cheese an "All-American Food", because most Americans look leery when you mention it like I did when I was teaching recently and talked about halcyon days, spraying bacon and cheddar spray cheese into my mouth. Goddamnit, I like me some spray cheese. But I'd say that if you discussed American cheese, that'd be more of an all-American type of cheese that the authors were mentioning. My grandparents liked American cheese a lot. My grandma is English. My grandpa is Canadian. They have spent much of their older years refusing to come to the US, so there.

Also, check out this essay where I got the picture. So relevant.

The foods listed are: US "Grocery Bread", Grits, Casseroles, US-produced chocolate, Cereal (????), Corn Dogs (!) and Meatloaf (both the food and the singer).


Check out the article and comment with your thoughts.

PS. If you are like "I don't like how they talked about 'foreigners'", tell it to the judge. I didn't write the quoted article, though it is weird to kind of lump the rest of the world under one category. And admittedly, most of my international contact is Canada and Europe but still, STILL I know things.