EMERGENCY FOOD: Sad Pasta (Salad)

So as we've discussed before, I eat a really surprising amount of emergency food. It's often pretty good. Sometimes it's an unholy abomination that should never be seen, heard of, spoken about, or eaten. (Sometimes you hate yourself and eat it anyway.)

The past few weeks in particular have really conspired against me. I had several major assignments coming up, spring break happened, and I accidentally spent an entire month's food budget on Passover. The point is that I was short on both time and money, BUT I did have a pound of pasta, some oven-dried tomatoes, and many cans of beans (???? I don't even eat beans) in my pantry.

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So let's talk Sad Pasta Salad! In the interest of full disclosure, this meal was originally intended to be eaten hot, and it was fully serviceable hot. Then I got lazy and didn't reheat the leftovers and decided that I liked it better cold anyway.

It's a super easy meal. I used a full pound of pasta because I'm bad at portioning and also seriously overestimated how hungry I was. It's very filling and very high-protein so unless you eat a lot, I'd recommend halving it. This shit lasted me a full goddamn week (13 of 16 meals, to be precise) before I finally ran out.

The Ingredients

  • 1 can kidney beans (undrained)
  • 1 can black beans (undrained)
  • Idk like half a jar of oven-dried tomatoes. Diced/chopped tomatoes would probably have been better, but I didn't have those.
  • 1lb pasta
  • Olive Oil/Butter
  • Italian Seasoning
  • Garlic Salt
  • Pepper

Cook your pasta until it's slightly al dente. Drain the pasta. Add your beans, tomatoes, and Italian seasoning. I turned burner back on to simmer while I mixed everything together, but you probably don't have to. Add butter to taste and thickness preferences. When I ate it hot I added a spoonful of sour cream to create the illusion of a sauce, then topped the whole thing off with garlic salt and cracked black pepper.

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For the pasta salad version, skip the sour cream and drizzle the whole thing in olive oil. Then stick it in the fridge. When you're ready to eat, top with garlic salt and pepper.

This is totally unscientific and I'm not actually sure but I'd guess that one normal-sized serving would be 500-600 calories and there are maybe six servings?

As always, remember that this is EMERGENCY FOOD. It is functional and filling and provides a surprisingly nutritious meal in a pinch, but I would absolutely not recommend making this for anyone ever under any circumstances.